#1: Randy Responds to a Father's Custody Issue

Dear Randy,


This is a shot in the dark, and I'm skeptical, but what the hell. 


My ex-wife and I are going back and forth about my visitation rights with our five-year old boy. The courts give me every second Saturday of the month, but she's making more excuses lately, saying Milo can't make it, or that he just plain doesn't wanna come. I know I'm in the right here, but I'm sick and tired of dealing with the courts. Any suggestions on how to deal with my wife's recent excuse-making without bringing the courts into this?


Thanks,
Andrew M.


Thanks for writing in, Andrew.

Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me
I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed
She was looking kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb
In the shape of an "L" on her forehead


- Smash Mouth, "All Star" 





You won't find the lyrics to Smash Mouth's "All Star" in the Constitution.

You won't find them in the Model Penal Code, or whatever Code your specific jurisdiction uses to codify the law.

But you know what, Andrew? Most of the answers to the law's predicaments are right under our noses, or more accurately, right out of our boomboxes.

Through this custody war, your wife is telling you that the world is going to roll over you because she doesn't find you to be the sharpest tool in the shed. You may think she's looking kind of dumb, do you? With her finger and her thumb in the shape of an L on her forehead?

Well, shake those feelings off, Andrew, and take responsibility.

Well the years start coming and they don't stop coming
Back to the rule and I hit the ground running
Didn't make sense not to live for fun
Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb


-Smash Mouth, "All Star"




Don't let your head get dumb, Andrew. Let me tell you about the law of torts.

The law of torts is about damages, be they physical or emotional. What your wife is doing, Andrew, is a tort against you. What kind of tort is immaterial. Let's not belabor the minutiae. You want answers, and I want to give you those answers.

There's this book called the Restatement of Torts, and I recommend you call your wife right now, and read to her the following passage:

"Section 46 of the Restatement states that one who by extreme and outrageous conduct intentionally or recklessly causes severe emotional distress to another is subject to liability for such emotional distress."

Then, take a pause, Andrew. Your wife will likely ask you what you're implying. Tell her you don't want any problems, and that Milo should be at your doorstep next Saturday. Period.

Your lawyer may advise you that such a strategy is ill-advised and poorly thought-out. Well, I ask you this: why are you in this bad situation in the first place? What brought you here? Was it me, or was it your lawyer?

Don't cut the cheese if you don't want to smell the roses, Andrew.

Good luck,
Randy McDowell

Caveat: My answers very often will indicate the law as I feel it should be perhaps more than what the law is today. I am not responsible for any actions you take upon the advice I deliver you.